Where The Hell Have I Been and Who Cares, Really?

Once Upon A Time...

I created a children's theatre company. I slaaaaaaaaaaved at that company to make it financially sound and artistically worthy of the audiences it served for 10 years. One day in 2008 each corporate sponsor that gave happily to this little theatre company...slowly...and steadily...dropped...away like the leaves of a mighty oak in autumn.

My company had sold-out shows and thrived in it's little world of theatre for young people however, having lost so much in corporate funding due to the finacial climate we now live in, we have ceased operations and I have lost my paycheck (Not my job, mind you! I can show up for work anytime I wish, I just don't get paid for it. Lucky me).

So now, sad ole G is an independent contractor, making puppets and creating costumes for other theatre companies who will hire me. I am hoping to weather this storm and start the company up again once funding comes back round. In the meantime, I am calling this the year (or years) of "the gig" I will do any gig to get me through these tough times.

Anyone got a gig that needs gigging? I am for hire.

Yes Arnel, I Will Have Your Babies

I always thought Journey sucked big, fat, sweaty coin purse until I turned 40, fat and unfuckable. Ok, maybe I'm being unfair...people still wanna hit this. Well, mostly incarcerated and/or old people. OKAY, BUT when I heard Arnel, thing's became moist and I rethought the sucking coin purse 'tude I'd been sporting all these years. Sweet Jesus that dude can belt it better then even oldster, hip-surgery Perry. Go ahead, close the door and get yer Journey on. Today's post inspired by this.

Tell Me When It's Over

I've sprained my ankle.

Again.

This isn't a photo of mine, but it's what I feel and what it looks like. Plaster splint and crutches for me.

I was chasing child, not looking. Wildly clumsy, arms flailing. Ass over elbow and the next thing I know there are three cops, one ambulance and my child looking down into my face as I stare up at the sun. He's sucking down his juice drink, fat round belly protruding. I am thinking he's adorable. The sun is searing or is that the pain? My cheeks are wet and now my ears feel the tears well into them. Blinking I think, What an embarrassment. How undignified. What a god damn pussy.

Here's May's breakdown
1 case of mono.
1 cold accompanied by fever, chills and non-stop congestion (won't detail here)
1 sinus infection that lasted approx 3 weeks until I finally broke and got antibiotics.
1 sprained ankle
1 lost waitressing job that pulled in really, really good extra cash for the family.

I didn't have the heart to call husband to tell him I was in the ER (again). I just couldn't tell him that I was going to be laid up and he needed to continue to take care of me. I waited until my ride (read That Friend You Call For Every Emergency and They Show, No Matter What or Where They Are) to show up to take me home before I call hubs and ask how his day was going and not until he heard the sirens from the ER area did this conversation happen

H: Where are you?
G: Uh, outside
H: Are you in "City We Work In"?
G: Uh....no. It's all good, don't worry, I'll see you when you get home.
H: WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT HAPPENED

and it goes from there. Poor guy. He's stuck taking care of me AGAIN. I'm really done with this breakable, bruisable, infectable, human body.

Child asks me "What's that mommy?" pointing at cast and bandages. I want to reply, "My dumb fucking luck, kid". Instead I explain, "Mommy fell and this helps her feel better". Satisfied, he spins away and tears through the house to jump on the couch.

New World

I know where my mother lives - The New World

He runs and jumps, laughs and cries. Nestles and cuddles under my breast like a chuffing, downy bird about to nod off.

I know where my mother lives.

WTF

Were kisses all the joys in bed,
One woman would another wed. -W.S.

I have mono and no, not from kissing, from general, germy humanity.

It sucks big, bad, donkey balls.

It's Alive

This past month I have...

• Presented a Chinese/Taiwanese puppet show.
• Held my 1 week old nephew.
• Watched my Old Man get an award that is open to thousands and is awarded to very few.
• Had a fun birthday party for my Old Man at a fantastic bar/club that served crepes that would make you weep for more.
  
• Met a woman with more money then God who likes my theatre company.
  
• Went to a Seder dinner with friends and family.
• Celebrated Easter too.
  
• Visited my Dr. for a mystery illness with wacky symptoms without a diagnosis (yet).
• Paid out more money then I made both professionally and personally (not unusual).
  
• Put a deposit on a one week summer beach house rental with friends.
• Tried to potty train my child. He won.
  
• Bought plane tickets to see my mother for Mother's Day.
• Talked less to Miami Girl then usual - she's got a job that is killing our chit chat time.
• Booked my Christmas show.
• Thought about my blog a few times then went back to business.
• Tried to get radio stations to give away tickets and they told me to buy advertising space instead. ("Cha! If I could, I wouldn't be sucking your cock in order to get you to give away my tickets on air, now would I?")
• Wrote a grant I know I won't get.
• Worked more then I think I ever have (that's TWO jobs, count 'em, TWO) and still can't afford to buy all the groceries my family needs/wants.
  
• Felt sorry for myself approximately once a day.
• Colored my hair.
  
• Painted my toes.
  
• Broke a toe.
• Put up the gazebo and a blow up pool in the back yard.
• Played with my son and husband in the spring time sun.

I think I've had a pretty good month, don't you?

Cried

I cried at work on Tuesday night at the restaurant. I received a phone message that my mother's condition is worse and I cried tears for myself, for my mother for us and for my son.

I was embarrassed for the people around me, having to see me and feeling powerless to help. I felt badly for them because it's easier then feeling sad for myself.

She called me Wednesday and left me a message on my cell phone as if she were calling a work phone, not directly speaking to me but through others meant to relay a message to me. She called me by my maiden name, she asked me to call home, which is not a place I know.

Lonely, scared, afraid, uncertain. All of us.